Monday, December 27, 2010
18- 23 The New Face of Homelessness
I wish that there was some way that I could go back in time and find the root of the idea that turning 18 somehow transforms you into an "adult". Whoever put this idea into the heads of our youth may need to take a good hard look at the damage that it has done to both the unsuspecting 18 year old as well as their parents. Children who use to be respectful to their parents, wake up on that horrific day in their lives when they turn 18 years old and proudly announce to their parents that they no longer have to listen to them (their parents) anymore. All of this takes place while the newly evolved yet unaware 18 year old opens their mother's and father's refrigerator, takes out the milk that they (the parents) bought, walk over to the cabinets in their parent's kitchen, take out the cereal and precedes to pour themselves a bowl. So proud, so confident and so broke, the teen proceeds to add insult to injury by informing the parent that they will no longer be subjected to curfew or have to ask to use the car as they have earned the right through metamorphosis to be totally autonomous of their parents instructions, precursors or demands or even simple suggestions. Now the war begins. The parent is furious and strikes out in defense mode with a last attempt to regain power over the teen, hurls the famous words, "If you can't do what I say in my house then you can just get the HELL OUT!! The teen in all of his or her glory and fearlessness shouts back, OKAY I WILL! Ideally, the teen will come to his or her senses, realize that while they have reached a milestone in their lives with which comes the responsibility to vote, the opportunity to buy health threatening tobacco products, sign certain forms that use to require their parents' signature, they still NEED their parents' support. It may be more emotional support now than ever before; as well as a safe place to stay, short of their pending college dorm or shared apartment domain that no doubt their parent will have to help them secure. Hopefully, the parent will chill for a few hours and realize that what they have said to their teen is unrealistic, cruel and nothing short of an unbalanced power struggle. But for some, the emotions remain high and the teen leaves with the clothes purchased by their parents, in a suitcase purchased by their parents and perhaps even in a vehicle purchased by their parent (if the parent will let them take the car) and off they go to the friend's house who will soon be having the same war of words with their parents...And the cycle continues and the wheels keep spinning. Tragedy strikes when no one is willing to back away from their position and see the greater need for all involved. The teen begins their short journey into homelessness, a poor support system, crime, prostitution, drug addition and all out caos for the next 5 years or so before maybe, hopefully they will have pulled it together and will have gotten their lives on track. Their parent is left with foolish pride, guilt and regret for not stepping in and saying: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! We all need to rethink that span between 18 and 23 when what should be taking place is TRANSITION and not a head long plunge into an abyss of adulthood. A slow, steady and supported transition will ensure the best results in the long run and a brighter future for all involved. Bottom line is that our kids still need us when they enter adulthood and quite as it is kept, we still need them for just a little while longer.
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I really agree with this blog!! I actually know someone who's going through this situation...hopefully she doesn't become homeless!! But again, I do know what u mean.
ReplyDeleteI've seen this happen many times. I've also seen my mother take in and help some of these young ladies, which is who it usually is, repair their relationships with their parents. I'm 24 and I've been somewhat independent for a while now, but I still feel like I need my mother!
ReplyDeleteI do agree. Parents and family support might want to maintain their composure when confronted by the foolishness that is still bound up in the heart of a child since we may have failed to do as scripture instructed...; and have the rod earlier drive it far from them. Once they turn 18, they should have learned some sense... But if we missed them, All we can do is continue to love them and remind them; that this is My House, though you are welcome to share it as long as, and this is my refrigerator with all of My food including that milk and cereal and as far as the curfew; if you are not in by the time I'm in bed-- you may have to park your rear end where-ever you find it at that hour and if you act like an intruder past a decent hour, I may have to treat you like one & call the police to have you removed from My property; Now make no mistake about this, "I Love You, but I will not allow certain behaviors in my home. It is true that in your house you may chose to have a different set of rules; but these are Mine... Now that he or she has the old rules made new, they may try you, but unless they already have a backup plan (like a job) or someone else who is willing to feed them, I doubt it. And if they do, tell them to go in peace. At 18, they are going to try adulthood. In fact, we should encourage it. My mother put us all out by 18. We had to go somewhere; to work, school, to live with someone else, Somewhere! Our wings were strengtened, the apron was dropped and we mostly benefited from the experience. But it started with that Early Rod of Training & discipline. Spare that, and you can expect to have a fool for a son or daughter and a burden on you all of their days. Oh, I thought the article was thought provoking.See More
ReplyDeleteMonday at 9:24pm · LikeUnlike.