AFTERWARDS

I SAT DOWN.
I STARTED TO WRITE.
I WANTED TO WRITE.
I NEEDED TO WRITE.
I NEEDED TO CLEAR MY HEAD AND MY HEART.
I NEEDED TO START FRESH, TO START CLEAN.
I NEEDED TO BE EMPTY AND THEN FULL.
I NEEDED SPACE.
ALL OF MY SPACE WAS CROWDED.
THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE, TOO MANY EVENTS,
TOO MANY MEMORIES IN MY MIND.
THERE WERE DREAMS AND HOPES AND LOADS OF TEARS.
BUT THEY WERE NOT FLOWING TEARS.
I HAD CRIED ALL THAT I COULD CRY.
BUT I NEEDED TO CRY MORE.
I NEEDED TO CRY AGAIN.
I NEEDED TO BE HEARD.
BUT I NEEDED MY PRIVACY.
I WANTED TO LAUGH ALONE
AND THEN,
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
I THOUGHT:
“YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER LAUGHTED ALONE.”
IT WAS TIME.
THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY,
THE PERFECT REASON TO HOLD ON AND TO LET GO.
I NEEDED TO FOCUS, BUT NOT JUST YET.
I WANTED TO KNOW HOW I FELT, BUT I COULD NOT EXPRESS IT.
TOO MANY EMOTIONS, TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR NOW.
I NEEDED TO CLEAR THEM ALL UP…BUT…
ONE AT A TIME.
STEP THIS WAY…BUT…
ONLY ONE OF YOU AT A TIME.
I LOOKED AROUND; AND EVERYTHING THAT I SAW
REEKED OF TRADITION.
I DID NOT WANT TRADITION.
IT SMELLED OF SOMEONE ELSE’S MEMORIES.
I DID NOT WANT THEIR MEMORIES.
I WANTED MY OWN.
SOME HOW I KNEW THAT I COULD FIND THEM.
MY OWN MEMORIES I MEAN.
SOMEHOW I KNEW THAT I COULD HAVE THEM.
AND IT EXCTED ME. IT MOTIVATED ME.

Jenny Reed
March 07